Get your own
 diary at DiaryLand.com! contact me older entries newest entry

2004-06-03 - 10:50 a.m.

I haven't written in what seems like awhile. I really only write when I'm at work because when I'm at home I never get the chance. There is a little one, 2 dogs and a dude who need me at home so writing doesn't seem to be an option.

I visited the SB last Friday. He's at the University of Chicago. I felt weird being around so many desperately intelligent people. I felt as if I had a sign on my forehead that said "I didn't finish college". I tried to donate platelets but they told me I was anemic. So now I'm taking an iron supplement hoping to donate again this Friday. Visiting a hospital is always a sobering experience. Walking down the hallways seeing ill people in their beds. It makes me feel guilty for being healthy, like I'm ashamed to walk by their room appearing as if I take everything in my life for granted. Which I probably do most of the time until something reminds me that I'm lucky. Then I feel grateful for a few minutes only to return to my good old self. I don't think you can ever truly appreciate what you have until it either isn't or might not be there anymore. You can say you do but I don't think you REALLY do until you are SOL.

I threw a 1/2 bag of perfectly good grapes out yesterday. They were completely fresh and fine to be eaten. But given that this is the middle of the week when I am working I knew that they would never get eaten and would eventually rot on my counter. I decided to be honest with myself and give the grapes an early death. It was a very simple thing really but weird in it's simplicity. I looked at the grapes and said "there is no fucking way that anyone is going to eat those so I should just cut to the chase and toss them". Normally I would have been in denial that they would be wasted and hold on to them until they were a gelatinous mess contained in plastic on my counter top. I felt a sensation of relief.. that I was being truly honest with myself.

We watched the RF Memorial day parade on Friday. I always feel somewhat awkward when the very talented Proviso East Marching Band rolls down the street. The parade takes place street where the smallest house maybe costs 750K and the average is over a million. Here is a marching band from a lower socio economic African American community parading down the street for a bunch of rich white people. It's funny to watch the on-lookers.. they sort of start dancing and clapping almost as if they are relating to the black community somehow. I wonder what those young men and women were thinking as they walked down the street. Were they proud of their obvious talent or were they resentful. Again, sort of like in the hospital, I felt ashamed.

0 comments so far

previous - next

about me - read my profile! read other Diar
yLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get
 your own fun + free diary at DiaryLand.com!