2004-06-09 - 2:33 p.m.

So I've been in complete anxiety mode since last night. Husband was supportive of my talking about going back to school, quitting my job, making A LOT less money and roughing it a little for the next couple of years.

I don't often admit this, but I prayed about it last night and this morning on my way into work. Is it wrong to use the word Fuck when you are asking God for direction? Because that is what I did. I was like "God, I don't know what the fuck I am doing, I don't know if what I am thinking of doing is the right thing or if just some alternative to what I am doing now so it seems like a good idea". So of course I ask for some sort of sign, I'm waiting for that to come. So I'm not walking into my bosses office today with my resignation letter but it is half way completed on my computer. I keep vacilating between the honest letter and the politically correct letter that would say something like "if in the future our paths cross, I would hope that we might be able to work together again". If you ask me that is the biggest bunch of bullshit. But I'm feeling so whimpy right now that I want to create as many safety nets as possible. I have a baby to feed at home! I may need to come crawling back on my hands and knees promising not to spend all of my time on the internet and making personal calls and sending emails to my friends that work 10 feet from me.

So, now I'm looking into schools. I ordered my transcripts and I've got to tell you that I am horrified to receive them in the mail. I can't even remember what classes I took. The only thing that I remember is that I was the 9 ball women's champ in 1992! Fuck Yeah. Oh, I'm such a loser.

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